CNN at one point identified a suspect in the Boston Marathon Bombing as “dark-skinned.” We were also told the suspect was a Saudi national. It was announced that a suspect was in custody days before that turned out to actually be the case.

It’s understandable that when an act of terrorism happens, news outlets all want to be the first to report breaking news, especially when that news involves identifying who is responsible or announcing that police have arrested a suspect. However, the consequences of reporting inaccurate information can be dramatic. Perhaps the best example of that is Richard Jewell, the security guard first hailed as a hero for spotting the bomb at the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta and alerting police, then falsely accused of planting that bomb. His privacy was invaded, every detail of his life became public information and fuel for all sorts of speculation, and bombing victims filed civil lawsuits against him.

There’s another rush to judgment that is even more dangerous, though. At least one of the suspects in the Boston bombing has been identified as Muslim, but even before that, members of the Muslim community feared for their safety. Sadly, their fear was understandable, since after 9/11 many innocent Muslims were unfairly judged as potential terrorists, and some were even beaten or killed by people blindly venting their rage and desire for revenge on people who had absolutely nothing to do with the terrorist attack and were horrified by it.

Muslim leaders were quick to condemn this bombing, of course, just as Christian leaders are quick to condemn the bombing of abortion clinics by some who call themselves Christians, or the hateful slogans carried by members of Westboro Baptist Church as they picket funerals and add to the suffering of grieving families.

We need to see people as individuals, get to know them, and form opinions about their character based on their own words and actions, not the religious or ethnic or other groups to which they belong. We also need to have the courage to challenge blanket statements made by friends, family, or co-workers about Muslims, or any other group of people, and learn to not just accept but truly appreciate the wonderful diversity of appearances, beliefs, and practices that exists not only between but also within all of the different groups.

I just watched Brene Brown’s amazing TED talk about shame: It was a good reminder of just how destructive shame can be. Shame keeps us from taking risks, from “daring greatly” as she puts it, because we’re too afraid that we might fail, or look foolish, or draw unwanted attention. It convinces us that we’re not good enough, or smart enough, or pretty enough, or _whatever_ enough. It talks us into playing it safe, settling for what we are confident we can get rather than what we really want.

Shame is insidious. It is relentless. It robs us of joy and keeps us from living up to our full potential. Ironically, the way to overcome it is to openly acknowledge that we feel it, and become willing to talk about those deep dark secrets that shame has convinced us would cause others to reject us if they only knew.

I recently attended a Christian women’s gathering at which the featured speaker talked about the fact that she was sexually abused as a child, by her dad who was a pastor. She shared the fact that her healing began when she first told a counselor about it, and later her husband, and finally her mother and her siblings. Now she helps other women heal by speaking openly about something that is still a secret source of shame for many, letting them know that they are not alone and it is OK to be honest about what really happened.

Whether or not we were abused in any way as children, we all carry some shame, because humans are imperfect and even the best parents and friends inevitably say and do things that hurt us, and because no matter how much we try to play it safe, at some points along the way we will nevertheless have some failures and take some actions we later regret.

We can choose how to deal with our shame, though. If we deny it or try to keep it carefully hidden away, it will always hold us back and we’ll forever see ourselves as less than others, unworthy of love, and incapable of accomplishing anything truly worthwhile. If we freely acknowledge the shame we carry, and are willing to challenge the negative messages it sends us, take risks and “dare greatly,” and share our true selves with others without worrying about what they will think, we will overcome our shame and have more authentic, loving relationships and happier, more fulfilling lives. How will you choose to deal with your shame?

I was getting so fed up with all of the spam comments on this blog that I stopped writing new posts and didn’t even visit my own site for a few weeks. Thankfully, I have now found a spam filter that seems to be keeping all of those useless posts away, so I’m back to blogging now.

That experience got me to thinking about how nice it would be if my brain had a spam filter, too. You see, I’ve become increasingly aware that I have a barrage of unwanted thoughts that could be considered spam. Some of them are just annoying distractions, like when I can’t get a certain song out of my head, or when I’m trying to pray and instead find myself thinking about my grocery list.

The spam I’d really like to get rid of, though, is more harmful than that. It consists of negative messages that I’ve internalized over the years, messages like “You’re not good enough,” “You don’t deserve to be loved,” and “You’ll never get it right.” With the help of women like Christine Arylo and Amy Ahlers (co-founders of Inner Mean Girl Reform School and authors of excellent books on this topic; see the “knowing and loving yourself” section on the “resources” page of this website for details, http://www.betruetoyourself.com/resources/), I’m learning to recognize those destructive messages as lies, and replace them with truths that I know at a deeper level.

I would bet that you have an inner critic that fills your brain with similar lies. If you have discovered ways to counter those lies and have learned to not just accept but truly love yourself just as you are, please share what works for you in the comments below. If you still believe that those lies accurately reflect the truth about you, please share that, too, and know that you are not alone and there are many different online communities, books, group and individual coaching programs, and other sources of support which you will be led to when you are ready to begin embracing the reality that you are a precious treasure, a beautiful creation of God worthy of love and respect.

For today’s blog post, I’m highlighting the work of another Christian author, Shelley Hitz, because the Kindle edition of her book on gratitude is FREE on 2/27 and 2/28. Gratitude is a key element of a healthy spiritual life and, as she explains, a great way to overcome self-pity and negativity. So…check out her book and let me know what you think.

By Shelley Hitz

About the Book:

A Life of Gratitude: How to Overcome Self-Pity and Negativity

During a season of transition in my life, I found myself overwhelmed with negative emotions like self-pity and a complaining spirit. It was as if a dark cloud had descended over me. I prayed and asked God for wisdom on how to overcome these negative emotions. As I did, I sensed Him leading me to do a 21 day gratitude challenge.

Over the course of the 21 days, God began to change me as I spent intentional time being grateful for all I had been given. I did this through writing in my journal each day and also sending a hand-written thank you note to someone different each day. This also led me to writing out 21 prayers of gratitude and compiling 21 stories of gratitude.

I want to share what I learned with you in the pages of this book which includes:

• 21 Days of Gratitude Challenge
• 21 Prayers of Gratitude
• 21 Stories of Gratitude

What to Expect On Each Day:

• Read my personal stories, struggles and reflections.
• Read one scripture and one quote about gratitude.
• Apply one personal application step from the challenge.
• Read one prayer of gratitude
• Read one story of gratitude

Get Accountability and Encouragement

Along with the 21 day challenge, I also started a private Facebook group to provide accountability and encouragement for myself but also for others who decide to join me in the challenge. You will get access to this group as well. It has been amazing to see God at work in each of our lives.

Will you join me on this journey to gratitude?

Download on Kindle

FREE on Kindle 2/27/13 & 2/28/13)

Purchase Paperback | Purchase Large Print Paperback | Purchase Audiobook

Shelley Hitz

Shelley Hitz is an award-winning and international best-selling author. Her openness and vulnerability as she shares her own story of hope and healing through her books will inspire and encourage you.

Shelley has been ministering alongside her husband, CJ, since 1998. They currently travel and speak to teens and adults around the country. Shelley’s main passion is to share God’s truth and the freedom in Christ she has found with others. She does this through her books, websites and speaking engagements.

Enter to Win a Paperback Copy and Coffee!

Enter below to enter a paperback copy of “A Life of Gratitude” and a $5 Starbucks gift card, sponsored by author Shelley Hitz!

 
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Yesterday was Valentine’s Day, a day that is enjoyed by some and dreaded by others. Regardless of whether you enjoyed a romantic day with your partner, were disappointed when your fantasies of what your partner might say, do, or give to you to celebrate didn’t materialize, or wished you had a partner with whom you could share the day, I’d like to encourage you to be your own valentine, not just on Valentine’s Day but every day of your life.

Healthy self-love makes healthy relationships with others possible. I am increasingly convinced that we cannot truly love others without first loving ourselves. When we don’t love ourselves, we seek others to meet our needs in destructive ways. We either find needy people to rescue and take care of, so we can feel worthwhile and deserving of their love, or we allow ourselves to be physically or verbally abused because deep down we believe we deserve it, or we find people willing to rescue and take care of us, heroes we can put on a pedestal and praise as saints, but not allow to be fully human, with needs of their own.

Loving yourself is not selfish; in fact, it’s the best way to improve your relationships with everyone else.