Recently, I came across an article in U.S. News and World Report which listed being a member of the clergy as one of the top 50 careers for 2010. You can read it for yourself here.
Given the rather dismal statistics about clergy health I have read elsewhere, and the number of pastors who get burned out and leave parish ministry, I was surprised by this. It also made me wonder if, given the fact that my company focuses on helping stressed out pastors find healthier ways of coping with the demands of the job, I have become too focused on the negative aspects of this profession. After all, there is great satisfaction (at least there has been for me) in doing things like comforting a dying person and their grieving family, preaching a sermon that is praised as thought-provoking and inspirational, or counseling someone during a time of crisis.
I wonder what percentage of clergy truly love their work, at least most of the time, and would gladly choose the same career if they had it all to do over again. Obviously those who choose to comment on this blog post do not constitute a statistically valid representative sample, but I’d still like to know, if you are a member of the clergy, whether or not you would make the same career choice if you had it to do over again, knowing what you know now, and why or why not. Please take a moment to share your answer by leaving a comment.
With all of the concerns about maintaining healthy boundaries and warnings not to have close friendships with parishioners or share information that might be used against you later, many pastors are understandably reluctant to disclose the details of their own personal struggles. Certainly, clergy must be careful about how, what, and with whom they discuss deeply personal issues, and inappropriately sharing too much can be harmful to both pastor and congregant.
However, in the right situations and with the right people, acknowledging painful realities in our lives and sharing lessons we have learned by going through difficult experiences can be very helpful. Henri Nouwen’s classic book The Wounded Healer includes the statement that “In our own woundedness, we can become a source of life for others,” and I have certainly found that to be true in my own ministry.
For example, I have battled depression for most of my life, and have learned the hard way that if I decide my life is going well and there is no need for me to take antidepressants, within a matter of months I will be spiraling downward again and start having suicidal thoughts. At first, I believed that if I truly had a strong faith and trusted God I would not get depressed, and that taking medication for it amounted to seeking a drug-induced artificial high instead of addressing the underlying issues. I now know better.
I also know that shame often keeps people from seeking help for mental health issues, or even acknowledging to themselves that they might possibly benefit from counseling and/or medication. Because of that, I have chosen to be open about my own history of depression. The first time I briefly mentioned that fact during a sermon, I was amazed at the response. One person said she never would have guessed that I struggled with depression since I was always smiling and seemed so happy, a few thanked me for talking about it as they shook my hand at the end of the service, and several other church members met with me for pastoral counseling sessions during which they discussed their own or a family member’s struggle with depression.
Another pastor I know has told me that when he counsels couples he mentions a difficult time in his own marriage years ago, and that admission often helps them feel confident that really does understand what they are going through and believe that if his marriage survived and is now so happy maybe there is hope for their relationship after all.
Other pastors have found that the death of a loved one, or a physical disability, makes them far more effective at helping parishioners cope in similar situations.
What have your experiences been? If you are a pastor, how have parishioners reacted when you have acknowledged your own woundedness? If you are a parishioner, how did (or how would) you feel if your pastor shared information about his or her personal struggles? Please share your thoughts here.